someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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