I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
