You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
