im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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