ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
