I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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