tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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