Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
