Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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