you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
