I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
