Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
