The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
