Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
