sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
