meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't put those talents on a resume
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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