Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
