I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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