I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
