I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
