i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
