does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
