The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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