I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
