3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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