He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
