hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
