I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
