i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
