Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
How external is "for external use only"?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
