yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
