i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
