she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
