That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
