I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
