apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
