is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
