operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
