you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
