Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
