i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Pooping to opera.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
