opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm just crazy horny about you
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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