if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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