The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
