Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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