Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
