Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
