Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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