I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
