The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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