idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
