I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
