I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
