Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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