do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
