Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
