Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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