I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he thought i was a dude.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
