If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
