good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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