I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You have to summon your inner elephant
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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