Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
